I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
