Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
