CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
