There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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