I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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