I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
