i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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