just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
