I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
