I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
