Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
