I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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