just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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