her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
