Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
