When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
