JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
