i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
