I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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