so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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