Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
