we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
