Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
