It's Friday. Sex?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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