So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
