my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
