I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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