Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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