I am puke
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
