Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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