genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
