You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
