1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
