now i know why i became what i already was.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
