I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
