I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
