More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
