shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
