I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
