Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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