Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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