The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
