is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
