I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
