dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
