He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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