They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
