Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
