she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
