it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
