just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
