haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
