Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
