You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
