I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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